The last week has been an odd mix of feeling like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, sadness, uncertainty - you name it, I feel it at some point throughout the day!
I’ve barely been to the barn. I rode someone else’s horse last week and have a few more offers I can take people up on. I just don’t seem to be all that motivated to plod around on other people’s horses. Maybe I’m just coming down from my experience with Will.
I have been thinking a LOT about next steps in my horse journey. Here too, I am a bit flaky. In an effort to simplify things, I tried to dichotomize my choices.
Quit or ride? Ride (I think).
Half-lease or full? Hmm, full-lease because I like to
Ok, full-lease or buy? At this point I started thinking about the logic of full-leasing a horse that I would be solely responsible for, paying full board, training etc., only to have the owner potentially not want to renew the lease after, say, a year of hard work. That doesn’t sound very appealing! Combine this with my husband’s desire to facilitate the cessation of my crying every night and I started to seriously think the time might be right to buy.
I still change my mind every few hours though, from excitement to terror. I think it’s so terrifying because I haven’t had the greatest experiences lately. Willy was both the best and worst horse experience I’ve had. I wish I could wait for him but I don’t think that is a wise or healthy option, as cold as that sounds. I also hesitate because obviously having a horse is expensive. Part of me was wondering if this was a good opportunity to invest in something else for awhile. But then the excitement of starting an adventure with another horse starts to take over and I long for that feeling again. At those times, it feels like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. (Besides, I don’t want to miss out on Fall riding! It’s my favorite time of year)