Tuesday, September 27, 2011


I haven’t quite known how to start a new post for the last few days. My grandmother passed away last week and it feels very odd to try to move on from that and start to discuss other things. I guess I worry it will come off as insensitive but really I just don’t want to talk about it much on here. Since my mom was a single parent for much of my childhood and youth, my grandmother played a very important role in my life. It makes it that much harder to think about not being able to go for a visit.

I’m sad I won’t get to bring her the very best of my summer tomatoes again. I’m happy that, just a few weeks before this whole thing started, I brought about 4 cups worth of my yellow and red cherry tomatoes for her. She couldn’t resist eating them all  (honestly, they really are out-of-this-world delicious).

I am sad that my mom lost her mother and I lost my grandmother. But I’m happy that my mom was with her in those final moments and that I had been there for days before that.
I’m also grateful that I was able to read her a letter I wrote, which my mom helped me translate (my Nonna’s English was pretty good but it was increasingly easier for her to understand Italian). She was aware of what I said and was able to say a few words back to me.
Finally, I am grateful that she went peacefully and that she will not simply suffer endlessly. She was such a sweet lady who had more than her share of crosses to bear in life. Now she is at peace and I am most certainly grateful for that.


Anonymous said...

I am sorry for your loss, but your gratitude is also inspiring.

Jason said...

I understand completely. As you know from reading my blog my grandfather played an outsized role in my raising. In it's way, losing him was every bit as hard on me as losing my dad.

Having had quite a bit of practice at it, I feel comfortable in saying that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Grief for me mostly comes in waves. The waves are nearly continuous at first and gradually they weaken and normal life inserts itself again. At various times when the emotions hit I've found myself laughing, crying, told jokes, been vocal, been quiet, got angry, been depressed, you name it.

Like Kate, I'm sorry for your loss. Please know you'll be in our thoughts and prayers tonight.

Once Upon an Equine said...

I'm very sorry about your grandmother.

That is so sweet that you were able to visit and share the bounty of your garden with her.

Melissa-ParadigmFarms said...

I'm sorry for your loss, but your post was lovely. I'm glad you were able to spend time with her and read her the letter, you are lucky you were given the opportunity to say goodbye. Warm thoughts for you and your family.

Laura said...

I'm sorry for your loss - your post was really, really nice and thoughtful. I think those of us that were partially (or more) raised by grandparents are really lucky to have had such a person in our lives.

HorseOfCourse said...

I am sorry.

RuckusButt said...

Thank YOU guys. I was disappointed to see the formatting of my post ended up weird - I used a different computer and I guess that messed things up (?? who knows with blogger!).

Jason, it's exactly like you describe.

I've also been reminded what a great family I have. Well, mostly ;-)

RuckusButt said...

Oh, and Jason, I had left a couple comments on you grandfather and other family related posts awhile back. I felt they were very thoughtful comments. I just discovered recently when I went back to re-read those posts that my comments were not there. Blogger had eaten several comments of mine on various blogs around that time. Just wanted you to know I had read and appreciated those posts very much.