Monday, July 30, 2012

Now What?

My mind has been quite a whirl so I haven’t really had much energy in me to blog. First, I did consult with my vet again (a few times indirectly via Willy’s owner to update him and again in person). He confirmed that Willy’s problems are neurological, which was a relief to hear because that is what I thought was going on. He has suggested that we turn him out for 6 months to see if the nerves will regenerate, he says sometimes they will but it’s only about a 50/50 chance. The vet also cautioned that he might degenerate more over the next 6 months and if that happens the nerves aren’t going to heal and he is just going to be increasingly uncomfortable. So it’s wait and see.

The last week has been an odd mix of feeling like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, sadness, uncertainty - you name it, I feel it at some point throughout the day!

I’ve barely been to the barn. I rode someone else’s horse last week and have a few more offers I can take people up on. I just don’t seem to be all that motivated to plod around on other people’s horses. Maybe I’m just coming down from my experience with Will.

I have been thinking a LOT about next steps in my horse journey. Here too, I am a bit flaky. In an effort to simplify things, I tried to dichotomize my choices.

Quit or ride? Ride (I think).

Half-lease or full? Hmm, full-lease because I like to have control be responsible for all elements of care.

Ok, full-lease or buy? At this point I started thinking about the logic of full-leasing a horse that I would be solely responsible for, paying full board, training etc., only to have the owner potentially not want to renew the lease after, say, a year of hard work. That doesn’t sound very appealing! Combine this with my husband’s desire to facilitate the cessation of my crying every night and I started to seriously think the time might be right to buy.

I still change my mind every few hours though, from excitement to terror. I think it’s so terrifying because I haven’t had the greatest experiences lately. Willy was both the best and worst horse experience I’ve had. I wish I could wait for him but I don’t think that is a wise or healthy option, as cold as that sounds. I also hesitate because obviously having a horse is expensive. Part of me was wondering if this was a good opportunity to invest in something else for awhile. But then the excitement of starting an adventure with another horse starts to take over and I long for that feeling again. At those times, it feels like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. (Besides, I don’t want to miss out on Fall riding! It’s my favorite time of year)



Melissa-ParadigmFarms said...

Horse shopping can be so fun, and it can also feel like the inner circles of hell. Good luck with whatever next step you decide to take!

RuckusButt said...

Thanks! I've just started shopping and when I'm looking at a horse it's super fun. It's the in-between moments that the doubts creep back in.

Laura said...

argh! those in-between moments are the worst! Hopefully you have some good prospects to look at over the coming weeks!